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Perhaps A “Rape Of Nanjing” Motif…
The annual company ChristmAnzaChahStice party was a roaring success!
The Somalia theme was very popular although, for some reason, nobody wanted to dress up as Muslims. Everybody came as either an Ethiopian invader or an American bomber pilot. In the spirit of the occasion, Brown from Marketing agreed to be a Somali native, and was immediately beaten senseless and bloody by the other partygoers. Good times!
The food consisted of brown rice and unclean water – well done, catering! It really captured the feel of being in one of the poorest countries on the planet! The music, chanting mostly, was periodically punctuated by the sound of distant gunfire and explosions – getting closer as the night wore on!
The highlight of the evening, though, had to be the fireworks display at midnight. I can’t imagine how much it cost to get that American fighter plane to drop ordnance on Yancy Street, or, for that matter, the hoops Jane and Darryl had to go through to get permission from the city to obliterate the block (you did get permission, right? I mean, you didn’t just arrange to – uhh, maybe it’s best if we forget I asked this question… :-)), or, for that other matter, who is responsible for cleaning up the mess…
Hard to see how we’ll be able to top this one next year!
SOURCE: The Wawaneesa Group Monthly Newsletter
[http://mnc.com/flexmere/ontologicon/wawaneesa/internal/newsletters/January2007.txt]
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Some Evolutions Are Faster Than Others
“It’s a scientific hypothesis, a controversial one…”
– Stephen Harper on global climate change, 2002
“The science is still evolving.”
– Stephen Harper on global climate change, 2004
“If anything in the last four or five years, the evidence has strengthened that we have to take real and substantive action.”
– Stephen Harper on global climate change, 2006
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Puts Your New Year’s Resolution Failure In Perspective, Don’t It?
Nine New Year’s resolutions Satan plans to keep…when Hell freezes over:
9. Don’t encourage manufacturers to put labels like “lite” and “smooth” on packages of cigarettes containing more deadly chemicals than usual.
8. Stop making Polonium so easy for Vladimir Putin to get his hands on.
7. Stop newspapers from running stories about efforts not to glamorize wafer-thin models with glamourous photos of wafer-thin models.
6. Don’t put any more lawyers in Dick Cheney’s gun sights.
5. Stop encouraging Johnny Knoxville to make any more movies.
4. Stop whispering in the ears of Hollywood executives that funding Johnny Knoxville movies is a good idea.
3. Stop telling girls they should stay with their loser boyfriend because this is the year he’ll change. Really.
2. Stop reinforcing the President’s belief that if he can just prolong the war in Iraq until he leaves office he won’t be blamed for its failure.
1. Stop taunting dieters with strawberry cheesecake…mmm…strawberry cheesecake…
SOURCE: Late Tonight with David Lenoman
[http://marketing.ubs.com/latetonight/latetonightshow/list]
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Far Away, Somalia
On Bipartisanship: The Republicans’ idea of bipartisanship is sticking their agenda up the ass of the Democrats. Hard. Then pushing it in further. And harder. And further. And harder. The Democrats may think it can’t go any further. Then, the Republicans stick it in further still. With a majority in both houses, the Democrats don’t have to put up with that kind of treatment any more. Unless, of course, they enjoy it.
On the Baker Report on the Iraq war: Bush fucked the Baker commission up the ass. Then, he left before daybreak. No cuddling. No flowers. No note of thanks. Not even a promise to call and go out for dinner. It’s not that the Baker commission would have believed it – they just would have liked to hear it. So, what came of all those hearings and deliberations? Nothing but a pain in the ass that the Baker commission didn’t need. Unless, of course, they enjoyed it.
On Somalia: You know where the Bush administration has stuck it to Somalia? That’s right: UP THE ASS! Because the country may have contained as many as three terrorists, the Muslim government that actually brought it peace has been rammed in the anal cavity. I tell ya, President Bush must love failed states, because he’s creating so many of them. And this, I think, nobody enjoys.
COMING SOON to satellite radio: Ron Jeremy…On (And In And All Over) Politics
SOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=19999999]
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You Could Be Next!
STEP ONE: The President makes a speech:
We now have intelligence that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that [NAME OF COUNTRY] is pursuing a course of developing nuclear weapons. We cannot allow [NAME OF LEADER] to get weapons of mass destruction, in defiance of international law and the will of the United Nations. That is why we believe that [NAME OF COUNTRY] must be stopped. If we thought we could negotiate with [NAME OF LEADER], we would negotiate with [NAME OF COUNTRY]. Unfortunately, you cannot negotiate with a madman whose crimes against his people and his neighbours are well documented. It is for this reason that I have asked the Joint Chiefs of Staff to draw up a plan to destroy [NAME OF COUNTRY]’s nuclear capability.
STEP TWO: Depending upon the year, fill in the blanks with:
– 2003: Saddam Hussein, Iraq
– 2006: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Iran
– 2012: Raoul Pettiforte, Luxembourg
SOURCE: Politics for Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=474&dir=bb]
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Bet You Say That About Every (Alleged) Criminal You Report On
The US Justice Department claims that Conrad Black conspired in 1998 to boost the share price of his then-publishing company Hollinger International through insider trading.
Black has pleaded not guilty and none of the allegations has been proven in court. This is the way the justice system works: innocent until proven guilty. By reporting on the allegations, we do not endorse or promote the concept that Black is a criminal, since this has yet to be proven to the satisfaction of a judge or a jury.
Please, please, pleeeeeeuze don’t sue us, Conrad! We’re just doing our jobs!
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1206749810263460.xml]
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The Evolution Of TV Entertainment
GLORIA: Previously on All in the Family:
MIKE: Archie, you can’t say that!
ARCHIE: Aww, whadda you know, meathead?
GLORIA: Tonight on All in the Family:
MIKE: Archie, you can’t say that!
ARCHIE: Aww, whadda you know, meathead?
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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